The Pregnancy Diaries: Part Two

The common wisdom is to keep your pregnancy a secret until you are past the first trimester. I think it is time that changes.

 

I found the first trimester to be the most isolating and many of the other ladies I have spoken to agree. Feeling awful before looking pregnant, no one knows what’s happening to you. You look for ways out of social situations that would usually involve drinking to avoid questions or spend your time trying to avoid food or drinks you are no longer allowed to consume.

 

This year, before I was expecting this pregnancy, I had a miscarriage. Being open about this pregnancy helped me move on from my previous loss and make this one feel more real. I remember reading an article in the haze of recovery that stated people don’t tell others about pregnancies before 13 weeks so their friends and family don’t risk having to feel uncomfortable if the pregnancy is lost. While telling people about a miscarriage can be a horribly painful experience, not telling them is also extremely isolating. But why should we be concerned about other peoples’ feelings in that moment? We need to normalize talking about pregnancies, trying to conceive, and miscarriages. I have found that the awkward conversations are worth it to feel a little less isolated. I also found these awkward conversations often lead to me connecting with them over their losses and, in connecting with each other, we can both feel less alone.

 

Everyone should do what they are comfortable with but, if you want to tell people around you should. Don’t feel weird being open about a huge new change in your life if that is what is right for you. If you want to scream it from the roof tops, do it. If you want to tell those nearest and dearest to you, do it. I have always found letting people in to be the right call for me.

 

If you have suffered pregnancy loss, I am so sorry. I know how difficult it can be especially if you are trying to conceive again or working up to being ready to. Know that you are not alone.